Back to Normal... mostly. :)

The week has flown by and after a day of fasting and prayer I actually feel very rejuvenated and ready to get back into the swing of things.

We had two wonderful sermons today at church about trials and testing which reminded me just how much the Lord loves us in every facet of life. The Lord cares! Sometimes I think it's so easy to forget about the plans He has for us and to want to try and do our own thing, our own way - that was partially my dilemma last week.

As I think I've stated before, I didn't grow up as a Christian and only the Lord knows how much I struggle against my worldly background every day. It is SO easy to fall right back into the old ways, the old friends, the old thoughts.

I recently ran into an old friend of mine who I haven't seen since high school when I was in a very different season of my life. Seeing her and how much she had made of her life, in the worldly sense, left a very bitter taste in my mouth. She made several comments about my dress, my lifestyle and reminded me of my roots. How could she live the way she did and have so much when I was trying to live the right way and felt I had so little? I was envious, I was jealous and forgive me, I wanted what she had. Here begins the dilemma.

Sean and I have been struggling recently (and always really) with finances. We both incurred debt early and have since been trying to pay them off but it just never seems to decrease in size and more seems to be incurred through toll fines all the time, which is a story in itself.

Long story short: I was considering going to university to begin a career.

Knowing how much I could get paid in the field I had chosen it was very tempting and seeing this old friend just sealed the deal. I wanted the nice house, the nice car, the nice clothes - more than anything though I wanted to pay off our debts. I looked up courses, I spoke to people about employment internships and basically organized to begin a new phase of life.

Then the Lord, how gracious He is, brought me right back down to earth. He made the course I was planning to take unavailable to me and reminded me of my purpose: as a wife, as a woman and as a personal striving for Christ.

One day I hope to be able to say: ..."for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, [therewith] to be content." (Phil 4:11) but until then I am sure I will struggle and fall and pick myself back up.

Forgive me for being so open but I felt it best to be honest in my struggles, no matter how inarticulate the post may be. Through this I've learned how important it is to surround yourself with Godly people, material and things. We just may be having a clear out very shortly.

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things [are] honest, whatsoever things [are] just, whatsoever things [are] pure, whatsoever things [are] lovely, whatsoever things [are] of good report; if [there be] any virtue, and if [there be] any praise, think on these things." - Philippians 4:8